Manners

Here’s an important rule for the gentlemen. “Don’t let your mood dictate your manners.” Obviously the same holds true for the ladies. Not that it matters, but for them it’s rule #238.

Why is it that we sometimes think our mood is more important than our manners? Or do we simply not notice and let ourselves get carried away? It’s like Krishna steering the horses of his chariot in the Bhagavat Gita. The horses symbolize the senses and Krishna holds the reins. Since our mood is influenced by the senses, it’s a good idea to be aware of them and not let them run wild. My dad always said ‘ Being angry means punishing yourself for other people’s misbehavior.’ It’s good to check out what’s happening with your mood every now and then.

So what exactly are manners? We tend to think of manners as certain behavioral rules. Like gentlemen holding the doors open for the ladies. There are rules for men walking before or after women when going up or down stairs. There are rules to introductions… The list is
endless and interestingly there are reasons why certain rules came into existence. Often they are mundane and hopelessly outdates, but we stick to them little rituals. Obviously they always developed in a significant cultural context, but an underlying principle is always the same…

Manners developed out of courtesy.

Men held the door for ladies, because of their big dresses. If you’ve ever attended a wedding in which the bride wore a big dress, you can imagine the challenges that come with this kind of fashion. Yet, today you see women in their skinny jeans still waiting for the men to hold the door for them.

Manners weren’t established because someone was entitled to a certain treatment. Ultimately manners developed to make the other person feel comfortable. Manners developed out of courtesy and respect for each other. Treat others like you want to be treated yourself. Or even just ‘How can I make the other person feel more comfortable?’ Would you want to have to endure everyone else’s stinkin’ mood whenever they feel like it? Probably not. And it’s especially the people around us who we think should endure our moods every now and then, that we should be most considerable of. Your family, your significant other… the people that are most important to us we should make feel most comfortable. And it’s not to say suppress your moods and emotions. There’s a difference between letting your bad mood out on someone else and saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m in a bad mood. It has nothing to do with you.’ Act with awareness. Let courtesy and politeness come first. The rest will fall into place.